i am just a plain inept insignificant pablo
seriously
i do know i am maladroit and very plain
la villa aggie buddy jimmy carlson told me so
affectionately in 1968 …
and i thought in realpolitik terms
“you know, he’s right.
pablo, you are plain.
realistically, pragmatically
accept it.”
“but don’t stop trying to move in solidarity with ecological community
to symbiotically, dynamically make changes toward
an ‘ideal’ homeostasis
for jimmy, Mom Louise,
for that little old mexican man
in the cardboard insulated very simple cold abode
one winter in devine
for tony cruz
for lacy and gene and pepe and ray gallegos
for Chrysopa and Trichogramma and Campoletis
for Schizachyrium and Bouteloua
for abe sanchez the joses, luna and lopez, hilario martinez”
…
yeah i yap and yap
(as i am doing herein)
but i do have some idea of the truth
because i do,
i try to identify with the browns and blacks.
sorry robert cruz lacy haywood
stick mccord alcides vieira de pinho cedric moon
i am a Have, white, german.
even though you whole-heartedly
and soulfully con grandes abrazos
welcomed me as amigo as brother
i’ll never totally fit
in the other world there have been moments
of grandeur and even accolades
at 16 … driving uncle peggy’s
rube goldberg ejote picking machines
and the powerful 409 semi “Big Red”
(but i wrecked poor ol’ Big Red twice in one night
between premont and freer
deadheading it back to devine)
all the awards my senior year in high school
(why is it that NOW I get invited to all the parties of the clique?)
getting to the state meet in texas stadium in the 440 yard dash
(it was pure luck that I came in second down in kingsville …
and in austin I came in dead last!)
naval air? i’ve wanted to fly since the first grade
i passed all the mental and physical exams
i was sworn in
and i soloed as an ensign
doing rolls, loops, immelmanns, and spins
(but i did almost crash several times …
and the military and i definitely were not are not a fit)
an award for being a top grant getter
at the coastal plains experiment station
(only because i was pasture entomologist,
Spodoptera frugiperda was devastating to grass crops
that first year I was there,
and usda research leader sparky sparks
who controlled some purse strings
took me under his wing)
father raynor wants me to be parish council president?
dolores avalos want me to teach ccd?
(don’t they realize I am a heathen??)
numerous recent awards and plaques
here above me at this desk
(but try as i might to communicate
most still don’t get this business of
positively ethical applied community ecology,
and we continue to kill and corrupt
through neo-liberal capitalism–
and enable vote for enable ”45s” —
both on the democratic and republican side.)
the ending herein is
plain pablo has had a wonderful life
he has felt real love
from blacks, browns, indigenous, whites …
and most of all
from that german gal
beebopping Betsy boo
with a johnny hoffmann smile
met on the quihi dance hall floor
christmas night
50+ years ago.
with love for her and ALL others (even 45*!)
pbm 6/7/2020
[ 7 S’s / VV->^^ ]
………………
*I do judge, but who am I, a plain paul, a plain pablo, to judge?
