after quasi-suffocation unto death with an avalanche of seven foot of cottonseed hulls
what if don lawrence had driven around the block several times in 1964
rather than having rushed me in devine town’s ambulance & “temporary hearse” to doc’ peters’ clinic and then Santa Rosa in SA?
after an accidently self-administered lethal dose
of the cholinesterase inhibiting-pesticide aldicarb on a hot day in usda’s field fourteen south of college station
what if the nuns and doctors at St. Joseph’s hadn’t gotten the atropine into me in time?
(what if i hadn’t accidently righted my inverted-stalled t-34 during a loop-aerobatic over the waters of pensacola in 1969
and during t-28 touch-&-goes near brewton, alabama, after a very, very hard “touch” (i should have aborted!!!) i almost crashed into a bunch of pines*
and after a late night/early morning of drinking with three aggie marine pilots … still inebriated, I climbed into & flew a downed t-28 for my early morning solo
what if i had slipped during a precarious crossing on a cliff’s small ledge high in the carpathian mountains with polish friends in ukraine in the 1990’s
etc.,
etc.)
…………………….
well … there would have been death after death
i’d have ceased to be paul bain martin
i would not be the “toxic” gadfly i am … pontificating, bs-ing, telling stories ad nauseam, or writing crude poetry and essays
my beautiful wife betsy would have had a good possibility of a peaceful … or tormented … or maybe bland … or maybe absolutely marveleous life of love with another
in the case of possible deaths except in the carpathians there would be none of the pbm-gened grandkids and kids that i now see and love immensely
similarly there would be none of pbm-gened grandkids which i’ve been barred from seeing … and love immensely
sure! i/my potentially inherited matter/bonds of energy, would still be in some sort of part of dynamic homeostatic symbioses … or chaos
but in the sense of a paul bain martin? no!
paul bain martin, somewhat consciousness of truth and justice and love, would be no more
but death after death–a recycling of matter and dramatic transformation of energy–is ok
for some period and in some places “life” or some kinds of energy plus matter will continue
the seeking of truth and justice and love and happiness will carry on
“Truth” will endure for all “time”
and in some sort of “space” …
whatever these dimensions might “truly” or “truthfully” be???
*******************
*Some of my Naval Air buddies and I saw on Naval Air Station Whiting Field the burned T-28 in which a young student pilot perished at the Brewton landing strip. Also, during this period in which I was involved in Naval Aviation in 1969-70, we heard of a jet trainer and his student flying too low over the gulf, and after becoming disoriented, plunging to their deaths in the salty waters.
pbm
7 S’s / VV->^^
